10 Things I've learned in the last few weeks
April 17th 2011
10 Things I’ve learned in the last few weeks
1. While your loved ones are alive, get out your video camera and have your younger family members ask questions like an interview and capture it all on camera. Things like: What is your favorite song of all time?, What season do you enjoy most and why?, What is your favorite past time/hobby?, What is your favorite meal to eat? Do you have a family member you were closest with growing up? – You can choose to go more in depth and ask things like where they were born, where they grew up, what were their most difficult challenges in life… it’s up to you to decide how in depth you want it to be. But the more memoir, the better in my opinion.
2. When you have to choose between work and a time with family- seriously weight your options. The week before my Dad passed away, I felt a prompt to reschedule my work appointment with a client so I could take my parents out to a special sandwich shop for lunch. I had been meaning to take them to for literally years. My Dad ordered his favorite treat- meatloaf sandwich. I loved watching him make a mess of it and enjoy every bite! On the drive back, I took the long way ( the most scenic route, because I know my dad loved to go for drives) I drove along Ruston Way Waterfront.
3. When you have the time, take the scenic route. Don’t jump on a highway if you don’t need to. The change of scenery triggers memories and conversations you might never have speeding down the highway.
4. Don’t take saying “good bye” for granted. Every time you leave your home, say good bye or greet someone, be present….. Be aware. Be in the moment. I cherish the last hug I got from my Dad before they left my house the day before his accident.
5. Take note of the specific smell your family members have…this is such a funny topic but it has become SO evident to me in recent months. I can clearly remember the “smells” our friends homes had growing up. I guess it depends on what they use to clean, wash, cook, eat, colognes or perfumes and their own personal ph levels… whatever it is, we all have a unique smell. For some it’s more pleasant than others. Haha. When I come home from a visit at my parents home, I smell like them. I can smell it on my clothes and in my hair. After my Dad passed away, I went into his closet and longed to smell him…. but nothing, he didn't wear cologne but then on Thursday, we went to the MCC kitchen where Dad volunteered. As we walked in, they pulled a batch of cinnamon buns out of the oven and that combined with the simmering soup on the burner, I was overwhelmed with Dad... that was his smell. Giving him a hug after work, that was my dad’s smell. Later I went through his bathroom stuff and got a whiff of Irish Spring bar soap and that coupled with head and shoulders shampoo: that was my Dad too! Similarly, when Trysha (the daughter we are in the process of adopting) moved in, her stuff had a different smell and when I hugged her and rested my nose on her head, I could smell her… it was foreign and yet now, over time, I can identify each one of my children when I hug them. Take note of this- when your loved ones are gone it will bring a sense of comfort.
6. Do you have a will? If you were in a fatal accident today and you ended up on life support, what would you want the doctors to do with you? Without something in writing, it puts your family members in a very awkward position. Not only will they be faced with the shock and horror of you being in an accident and in a coma, but will then need to carry the burden of what to decide for you? Don’t let it come to that. The myth is that it’s too complicated or expensive to write your will- but it’s not. I think we did ours for less than $300. Talk about what your wishes would be with your family members. What type of memorial/funeral service would you want? Private, immediate family only or public- open to anyone? Do you have any specific songs or themes you would hope for? My Dad did and it felt so good to honor him in that special way by the songs we chose to include in the service. Do you want to be buried in a casket or cremated… each option has costs involved and it’s important to discuss these options with your family. They offer prepaid plans believe it or not and it’s not a bad idea to look into the options.. the reality is, it’s going to cost money- so why not plan ahead and not put the financial burden on your grieving family members.
7. Learn to have childlike faith. Children have such a matter a fact way about them. I have found in recent weeks that the more time I spend with babies and children, the better I feel. They are so honest- so transparent. We have a lot to learn from them. They remind us that the bible says so… so it’s gotta be true!
8. Take notes and make a bit of a checklist of “if I am gone, you need to know” kind of a list. All your passwords for all your accounts, where do you keep your birth certificate, passport, marriage license and so on. Where do you keep your treasured things like keepsakes and jewelry? Is your address book up to date so if your loved ones needed to let the important people know, they would know how to contact them.
9. The reality is we are all going to die. It’s just a matter of when. There is no escaping it. Talk about your “bucket list”… share your hopes and dreams with your family. If you are not able to fulfill all that you have your list, maybe it’s for the next generation to complete after you are gone. I had the privileged of being with my Dad when he passed away. I can only speak from my perspective but for me, it was one of the most life changing moments of my life. While my Dad was in a coma, we talked to him like he was there with us…cracking jokes, being silly, singing songs, praying and crying. My Dad was a very emotional guy, you couldn’t’ talk about spiritual things without him getting choked up. Part of it was the side effects of the heart attack he had in previous years, but the other was- he was simply, a tender hearted man. The night I spent with him before he passed away was incredible. I have never sang that many hours in a row. I have never prayed in tongues that long of a stretch before in my life. I sang one song and another would somehow fit perfectly with the melody or the lyrics… it was a medley of never ending songs.. so sweet. When his sedation medicine was decreased, they said he may be able to hear more of what we said… so I went close to his ear and said my name and talk with him. A tear ran down his cheek. The more I talked and sang to him, the more emotional he appeared, at one point, he quivered his chin and lips like he always did right before he cried. I asked him to hold on for Mom and Tiff to arrive. I called his brother Bruce and put the phone on speaker phone up to his ear and he looked as though he tried to blink. I called Mom and when she spoke over the phone in his ear, another tear rolled down his face and he looked like he wiggled his nose. I told him we would be okay. I told him how thankful I was to have called him Dad. I told him that he had such a rich legacy that would follow him because of the life he lived. I told him that I wouldn’t’ say good bye because I knew he was only going ahead of me in the journey and that I would be seeing him soon. I told him to give my grandparents a hug for me. His heart was fluttering and then gave way. The rush of wind in the room in the spiritual sense was undeniable. The sense of him being scooped up, enveloped into the arms of the Lord somehow and then he was gone.
10. Your soul can be sure- without any doubt where you are going to spend eternity. If you haven’t already invited the Lord to be your everything and surrender to Him, it’s not too late. You can choose life now and have the security of where you are going to be forever and know that when your loved ones die, they can look forward to the hope of seeing you again one day in Heaven. It’s a marvelous gift! If you haven’t already, call me- I’d love to be the one to pray with you as you make this life changing decision. Nothing can prepare a human heart to deal with such loss of a loved one. All I can say is that it is an opportunity for us to LIVE out what we have confessed to believe. All the worship songs I’ve ever sang- I know I now have the choice to live them out… will I choose to run into His arms, lay at His feet, facedown and let Him heal my heart like only He can. Fill me when I feel empty, strengthen me when I am weak, carry the burdens that are too heavy for me, heal me when I feel so broken and replace my mourning for JOY that only He can give.
Love you,
Rebecca
www.rebeccadelpozo.com
10 Things I’ve learned in the last few weeks
1. While your loved ones are alive, get out your video camera and have your younger family members ask questions like an interview and capture it all on camera. Things like: What is your favorite song of all time?, What season do you enjoy most and why?, What is your favorite past time/hobby?, What is your favorite meal to eat? Do you have a family member you were closest with growing up? – You can choose to go more in depth and ask things like where they were born, where they grew up, what were their most difficult challenges in life… it’s up to you to decide how in depth you want it to be. But the more memoir, the better in my opinion.
2. When you have to choose between work and a time with family- seriously weight your options. The week before my Dad passed away, I felt a prompt to reschedule my work appointment with a client so I could take my parents out to a special sandwich shop for lunch. I had been meaning to take them to for literally years. My Dad ordered his favorite treat- meatloaf sandwich. I loved watching him make a mess of it and enjoy every bite! On the drive back, I took the long way ( the most scenic route, because I know my dad loved to go for drives) I drove along Ruston Way Waterfront.
3. When you have the time, take the scenic route. Don’t jump on a highway if you don’t need to. The change of scenery triggers memories and conversations you might never have speeding down the highway.
4. Don’t take saying “good bye” for granted. Every time you leave your home, say good bye or greet someone, be present….. Be aware. Be in the moment. I cherish the last hug I got from my Dad before they left my house the day before his accident.
5. Take note of the specific smell your family members have…this is such a funny topic but it has become SO evident to me in recent months. I can clearly remember the “smells” our friends homes had growing up. I guess it depends on what they use to clean, wash, cook, eat, colognes or perfumes and their own personal ph levels… whatever it is, we all have a unique smell. For some it’s more pleasant than others. Haha. When I come home from a visit at my parents home, I smell like them. I can smell it on my clothes and in my hair. After my Dad passed away, I went into his closet and longed to smell him…. but nothing, he didn't wear cologne but then on Thursday, we went to the MCC kitchen where Dad volunteered. As we walked in, they pulled a batch of cinnamon buns out of the oven and that combined with the simmering soup on the burner, I was overwhelmed with Dad... that was his smell. Giving him a hug after work, that was my dad’s smell. Later I went through his bathroom stuff and got a whiff of Irish Spring bar soap and that coupled with head and shoulders shampoo: that was my Dad too! Similarly, when Trysha (the daughter we are in the process of adopting) moved in, her stuff had a different smell and when I hugged her and rested my nose on her head, I could smell her… it was foreign and yet now, over time, I can identify each one of my children when I hug them. Take note of this- when your loved ones are gone it will bring a sense of comfort.
6. Do you have a will? If you were in a fatal accident today and you ended up on life support, what would you want the doctors to do with you? Without something in writing, it puts your family members in a very awkward position. Not only will they be faced with the shock and horror of you being in an accident and in a coma, but will then need to carry the burden of what to decide for you? Don’t let it come to that. The myth is that it’s too complicated or expensive to write your will- but it’s not. I think we did ours for less than $300. Talk about what your wishes would be with your family members. What type of memorial/funeral service would you want? Private, immediate family only or public- open to anyone? Do you have any specific songs or themes you would hope for? My Dad did and it felt so good to honor him in that special way by the songs we chose to include in the service. Do you want to be buried in a casket or cremated… each option has costs involved and it’s important to discuss these options with your family. They offer prepaid plans believe it or not and it’s not a bad idea to look into the options.. the reality is, it’s going to cost money- so why not plan ahead and not put the financial burden on your grieving family members.
7. Learn to have childlike faith. Children have such a matter a fact way about them. I have found in recent weeks that the more time I spend with babies and children, the better I feel. They are so honest- so transparent. We have a lot to learn from them. They remind us that the bible says so… so it’s gotta be true!
8. Take notes and make a bit of a checklist of “if I am gone, you need to know” kind of a list. All your passwords for all your accounts, where do you keep your birth certificate, passport, marriage license and so on. Where do you keep your treasured things like keepsakes and jewelry? Is your address book up to date so if your loved ones needed to let the important people know, they would know how to contact them.
9. The reality is we are all going to die. It’s just a matter of when. There is no escaping it. Talk about your “bucket list”… share your hopes and dreams with your family. If you are not able to fulfill all that you have your list, maybe it’s for the next generation to complete after you are gone. I had the privileged of being with my Dad when he passed away. I can only speak from my perspective but for me, it was one of the most life changing moments of my life. While my Dad was in a coma, we talked to him like he was there with us…cracking jokes, being silly, singing songs, praying and crying. My Dad was a very emotional guy, you couldn’t’ talk about spiritual things without him getting choked up. Part of it was the side effects of the heart attack he had in previous years, but the other was- he was simply, a tender hearted man. The night I spent with him before he passed away was incredible. I have never sang that many hours in a row. I have never prayed in tongues that long of a stretch before in my life. I sang one song and another would somehow fit perfectly with the melody or the lyrics… it was a medley of never ending songs.. so sweet. When his sedation medicine was decreased, they said he may be able to hear more of what we said… so I went close to his ear and said my name and talk with him. A tear ran down his cheek. The more I talked and sang to him, the more emotional he appeared, at one point, he quivered his chin and lips like he always did right before he cried. I asked him to hold on for Mom and Tiff to arrive. I called his brother Bruce and put the phone on speaker phone up to his ear and he looked as though he tried to blink. I called Mom and when she spoke over the phone in his ear, another tear rolled down his face and he looked like he wiggled his nose. I told him we would be okay. I told him how thankful I was to have called him Dad. I told him that he had such a rich legacy that would follow him because of the life he lived. I told him that I wouldn’t’ say good bye because I knew he was only going ahead of me in the journey and that I would be seeing him soon. I told him to give my grandparents a hug for me. His heart was fluttering and then gave way. The rush of wind in the room in the spiritual sense was undeniable. The sense of him being scooped up, enveloped into the arms of the Lord somehow and then he was gone.
10. Your soul can be sure- without any doubt where you are going to spend eternity. If you haven’t already invited the Lord to be your everything and surrender to Him, it’s not too late. You can choose life now and have the security of where you are going to be forever and know that when your loved ones die, they can look forward to the hope of seeing you again one day in Heaven. It’s a marvelous gift! If you haven’t already, call me- I’d love to be the one to pray with you as you make this life changing decision. Nothing can prepare a human heart to deal with such loss of a loved one. All I can say is that it is an opportunity for us to LIVE out what we have confessed to believe. All the worship songs I’ve ever sang- I know I now have the choice to live them out… will I choose to run into His arms, lay at His feet, facedown and let Him heal my heart like only He can. Fill me when I feel empty, strengthen me when I am weak, carry the burdens that are too heavy for me, heal me when I feel so broken and replace my mourning for JOY that only He can give.
Love you,
Rebecca
www.rebeccadelpozo.com